“Not bound to swear allegiance to any master, wherever the wind takes me I travel as a visitor.
Drop the question what tomorrow may bring, and count as profit every day that Fate allows you.”
Horace (65-8 BC) Roman poet.
First impression
Many travel blogs start with the first minute, hour, day, week away. With first impressions and second takes. With the sights, sounds and scents of new experiences and the rush of new ideas. But I figure before I get going and start eulogising about the (hoped for) delights of travel, I should write a T-1 entry which explains how I made what people tell me is an…unusual…decision to have some time out from working. I’ll also include a few thoughts – so far as I have any – on what I’m hoping for from the trip. That should catch everyone up. Those of you for whom I’ve already bored with my story so far, skip ahead…
Decisions
Up until now, I’ve had a 10+year career working in Consultancy, as a Chartered Occupational Psychologist. I mention the Psychologist bit because it involved a Masters and three years of supervised professional practice, so wasn’t accidental. I’ve worked hard, and enjoyed a measure of success, working in roles which have included consulting around Talent, HR and assessment; managing wonderful teams, and contributing to the running of a business. I’ve worked with some really bright and talented people, who’ve taught me many skills, technical and behavioural, intellectual and emotional. At the same time, since a car accident 8 years ago, I’ve managed a challenging chronic pain condition and for the last year, have also been dealing with a diagnosis of Crohn’s disease.
I’ve balanced these parts of myself uneasily, believing that work was the main focus in my life and that persistence, determination, and sheer cussedness would get me through anything. But recently, when new opportunities arose which should have been the next logical step on my chosen career path, rather than feeling excited and energised, I felt…tired. And I knew it was time to step back and reconsider.
This was a pretty jolting moment. What had happened to my life, previously full and hectic in all ways, to feel it had narrowed to just two things, work and pain? I questioned everything I had achieved – was everything I had worked for worthless? What had I traded by focusing on my career? Did my moment of angst mean I didn’t want to do my job anymore? Or did I just need a break? Or was it time to change jobs, companies, careers even?
And how could I be sure what the right way forward was?!
Perspective
So, yeah, drama queen.
After some consideration I decided rather than rush from one thing to another, jumping from frying pan to fire, it was actually time step back and gain some much needed perspective. I knew I enjoyed many aspects of my current role, and likewise, loved my flat, my friends and family, and many things about England’s green and pleasant land. But I also knew I wasn’t really sure what I wanted the next adventure to be, and didn’t want to be rushed into the decision. That meant letting go of certain things, like job and financial security, status, and certainty, and trading them for what were for me much more anxiety-provoking concepts – freedom, space and time to think.
And perspective. In fact, that word’s become pretty important to me in all its different meanings – this blog was almost named for it. Instead, I’ve chosen as a title the most well known part of the quote above, which a wise friend recently sent me, and which so perfectly captures some of the most important elements of what I’m hoping to focus on in my trip.
Wherever the wind takes me
Wherever the wind takes me captures something which for me is a pretty unnatural state, that is, spontaneity, chance, unplanned-ness, whatever you want to call it. In my life, personal and professional, I’m a planner. I love lists. All kinds of lists. And coloured stationary. In fact, multi-faceted lists made with complementary coloured pens, on beautiful stationery, pretty much sum up a good time for me in many ways (yeah ok, the existence of this travel blog means I already know I need to get out more…). And I use them for work, and in my personal life. Normally, when considering a trip such as this, I would have some kind of excel spreadsheet set up by now, it would have its own hanging file in the filing cabinet, and I would definitely have got some new pens to help me ensure the plans were all getting captured in the most appropriate manner.
Instead, I’m planning not to plan. I have a ticket with an unconfirmed return date, a place to stay for the first few weeks, a kind and generous-spirited friend who’s meeting me at the airport and helping me get the hang of things, and then an empty page.
(I have to confess at this point that instead of saving money by not buying new pens, I actually bought a delectable, desirable, delicious Mac Air, so that money-saving on the pens didn’t quite work out…)
This lack of a plan has certainly been a challenge to get across to people. I think an easy and natural question, when they hear I’m heading off to Thailand, for people to ask is: “what are you planning to do when you get out there?”. And when the answer is “I don’t know” it leaves people a bit flummoxed. Already feeling a bit uneasy by someone they saw as consistent, reliable and career-focused upping sticks and heading off into the unknown, to have that followed by no future plans at all for this next stage has challenge their perceptions of me and also, perhaps, of themselves. I’ve had a lot of people saying they’d love to do something like this, and of course, I am incredibly lucky to have the financial resources and personal situation which means I can do this without too of an impact on anyone apart from me.
So wherever the wind takes me sums up a core part of my philosophy for the next few months – to be open to new possibilities, thinking, people, activities, culture, and anything else in this potentially once in a lifetime opportunity.
Not bound to swear allegiance to any master
Equally hard for me given the person I am, is the idea of Not bound to swear allegiance to any master.
This part of the quote appeals to me right now due to the desire for a very selfish focus in the coming months, that of an abstention from responsibilities and commitments. Currently, my life is full of the tasks I tell myself I must complete, from day-to-day admin to ensuring I see friends and family regularly, until I have realised that in this tangle of responsibilities I have boxed myself into my own little prison, through no one’s fault but my own. Unable to disentangle the delights from the dolour I feel trapped.
I travel as a visitor
In addition, I have somewhat of an attachment to material things. I love my home, and although hard experience has taught me that hoarding isn’t the answer, I have to fight an urge to hang on – to people as well as objects – every day. For example, I’ve travelled a lot with work, and enjoyed unpacking in each and every hotel room, with small touches such as lighting a scented candle to help make it my own.
My ambition for this trip is to travel light, and lightly, inspired by the Buddhist ideal of non-attachment. Being a visitor wherever I go isn’t about not taking part fully in everything that the trip brings me, it’s about not taking my own preconceived ideas of responsibility and commitment with me. So even with this blog, which after appeal to my logical side has felt like a good way of sharing thoughts and experiences from the trip with friends, family and anyone interested, I’m determined not to make it into another restraint, so have no plan for when or what to write about.
Evolving identity
And that brings us up to date, with me less than a week from my plane taking off.
Despite having left work a couple of weeks ago, the responsibilities and commitments of my own making haven’t yet come to a halt, they just err on the social and health side, which to be fair is new in itself – I can’t remember a time without the BlackBerry as an integral part of my life. But I figure I’m squishing several months worth into a few weeks, and in not too many days I’ll be launching my very own experiment to live without this framework. A framework which in many ways provided me with an identity, so part of the experiment will be to see how my own identity evolves, without the strictures and structures we usually live by.
And with that, I’ve already moved past what started this all, which is, ‘What do I want to be when I grow up’ (I’m 34 – with pensions the way they are, I figure I have at least the same again till I retire), to ‘Who do I want to be when I grow up’.
I’ll let you know….
Blue Skies says
Yeahhhhh, blog!
ellenmbard says
It’s hard to do something first in this family, but I might be asking for tips soon! love to all xx
Chris says
Bon Voyage Ellen. That book I suggested could be called “Ellen and the King of Siam”
Love G’Dad XXX
ellenmbard says
Thanks Grandad, and I am extremely impressed you have commented on the blog and are following, I would imagine you will be my oldest follower! Keep reading and commenting and we can stay in touch. Love to Grandma x
debbieh says
I am officially a follower! Take care of yourself and enjoy the flight, I always think that being on a long flight is a it like being in the wood between worlds in Narnia, so that’s a good start to this trip! Will be thinking of you next week, love Debbie
ellenmbard says
Nice image! It’s a long flight, and you would definitely know about those. My kindle is stuffed full of books which I am very excited about, I enjoy travelling when I have no where to be and no one else to worry about! It’s always interesting to observe others in airports and see what stressful situations bring out in them – fun times for us psychologists! x
Clare Wanless says
Really glad you’ve been persuaded to do this blog – I love it! Really nice to learn some more about you and what’s brought you to this exciting adventure. Very excited to see where it takes you! Safe travels… Clare x ps Perhaps a career in writing might be worth adding to the short-list (if you decide to start making lists again!) – you have a very engaging writing style…!
ellenmbard says
Thanks Clare, that’s very kind, and you get the prize for my first ever comment! Keep interacting with me (this applies to everyone!) as it makes a difference feeling like I am writing for people who are actually reading this! And with only a couple of days to go I am getting quite excited too… Take care x
Sally says
Good idea ellen. i will definitely follow you, but don’t want to know if it is nice warm weather wherever you are, I’ll get jealous!!
Be careful, talk to lots of strangers but don’t get on the back of any motorbikes. that’s all the tips i can think of…
x
ellenmbard says
Thanks Sal – I hope to be posting quite a lot about nice weather and pina coladas… keep your tips coming…ahem! 😉 x
karl monahan says
Love the name, we could use this as a strap line for one of the many benefits of colonics. Although we would need to change it to ‘wherever my wind takes me.’ Much like you are doing; it evokes a sense of freedom, non-attachment and the ability to be whoever and to do whatever, whenever i please, without worrying about my bowel..
Right, enough of me lowering the tone – We won’t be around to see you tomorrow Ellen ‘sad face’
Have like a totes, amaze balls time yeah! I will obviosuly be feeding nonsense into the comments space you so graciously provided for us, thanks ‘smiley face’
Maybe see you over there??!!
ellenmbard says
Haha, you definitely brought a new perspective to my title…er thanks??! Sorry to miss you guys yesterday, but have an amazing time on your honeymoon, you deserve some total relaxation given your commitment to supporting others. Keep commenting!!! x
Ian Newcombe says
Right, I’ve clicked the “Follow” button and am looking forward to you making me very jealous over the coming months. Have fun!
ellenmbard says
You are some of the footsteps I am following in my blog, so you might need to share some tips! So far one of the verbal comments I have had from someone is “keep each entry short” so I think that’s some feedback already 😉 Have a great christmas, x
eldeld says
Loving the blog, El! What a brill idea. Now we can be close even though you’re over there and I’m over here. I’ll tell all my friends who know (and feel they know) you so you will have even more followers. Keep on …. Planning Not To Plan! A El xxx P.S. Have never in my life posted a blog comment so it’s a first for me, too. (2nd try as first disappeared into the ether.) Hope you recognise the photo!
ellenmbard says
Thanks A El, definitely share this with anyone you think might be interested! And thanks for commenting, you should definitely do your own blog as you are a fab writer. Planning not to plan definitely one of my motos for the trip… love the photo, it’s probably my best side (wish I was as cute now!) though your 80s perm hides your face, shame! x
El Kuin says
I guess that you’re a Ronin [masterless samurai] now! I will be missing you loads and I am VERY sad that I won’t be there with you and LifeisLimitless. Stay strong and optimistic and work towards nirvana. Oh, and take at least 3 t-shirts OUT of your suitcase before you leave. xxx
ellenmbard says
Thank you, and thanks so much for dropping by last week, much appreciated. LifeisLimitless and I will miss you and I am cutting my packing down this evening, good advice! x
watchwanderworldwide says
Well done Ellen. I am hugely impressed with what a big jump you are making from the norm. Especially the not planning. Wow. 😉
Lots of love and safe travels. xxx
ellenmbard says
Thanks Luke, it seems to be the trend eh 😉 Enjoying your blog too. And honestly, I have no plans after I arrive and go to my accommodation – then it really it see what happens! x
Sally says
Great blog, Ellen! I’m now officially a follower and await further installments. Clare’s right, your writing style is very engaging; it’s going to be a pleasure to hear what you’ve been up to.
Steer clear of the Mekhong and have a great time 🙂
Sal x
ellenmbard says
Thanks Sal! Hope you are keeping things going back at the ranch. Very weird not to be working, and weirder that I’ve actually left not just on hols. I’ll try to keep (mostly!) out of trouble… x
Ben says
Hi Ellen! Great introduction (Scented candles? Who’d have thought?) and hope you have wonderful P time out there! Oh, and keep a look out for these chaps when you are out there: http://thai-hunks.blogspot.co.uk/ x
ellenmbard says
Ben, honestly, where do you find this stuff??! I’ll let you know if I meet any of the, er, gentleman, on this site! Keep commenting, sure you will keep me grounded! Love to Helen and the kids x
Howard says
Awesome dude. A very good read. Glad to see you are adopting the Lotus driver’s philosophy of travelling light! Looking forward to reading more. :0)
ellenmbard says
Thanks Howie G! Keep reading, and Happy Christmas to you, Chris and the wiggles xx
Frosty says
Following with interest….go enjoy and experience
ellenmbard says
Thanks Frosty, let me know if you have any Asia-related tips on getting by (ones that you can share publicly anyway!) congats on your recent nuptials, hope you have a great Christmas together!
Nichola McLaren says
Having just given up my successful career in London to spend time with my family ( nobody can understand why!!) I wait to read your blog with anticipation and jealously :-). Have a super time. X
ellenmbard says
Thanks Nichola, great to hear from you, I hope you are finding being at home as rewarding as I’m sure it must be. Bit of a change – bet you wont miss the commute! I’m definitely in favour of doing the thing that is right for you at the time, whatever the opinions of others, hard though that can be sometimes. Have a great Christmas with your family and keep in touch! x
Sam Tomkinson says
What a very inspiring read Boss…….I am so delighted for you. Can’t wait to hear more about your travels. I have a funny feeling that the wind may take you down a path of writing. Write lots and have so much fun……….embrace the amazing feeling of waking up and doing exactly what YOU want to do. You should get this blog published into a book …..I have a feeling it is going to be a fab read. Stay safe and stay off the red bull ….it has amphetamine in it…..also stay away from the ping pong
ellenmbard says
🙂 Thanks Sam! I’m definitely-sort-of enjoying writing the blog – it’s helping me to see through different eyes which can only be a good thing. Definitely no Red Bull for me given my sensitive tendencies! And I’m not going to comment on the pingpong!!!
Enjoy your Christmas and look forward to catching up in the Spring! x
Emma Carver says
Wow what an amazing blog… I feel like I’m reading the voice over to a film script and your descriptive style makes it easy to imagine the sights and smells. It’s also really lovely to find out more about you – despite having sat next to you for a year, so much of this is new to me. I think you are amazingly brave taking on this adventure but I absolutely think you made the right decision. I’ll definitely be keeping up to date with the blog on a regular basis – you are an inspiration!
Take care of yourself
Emma xxx
ellenmbard says
Ah, thanks Emma! I’m trying to evoke things here as much as possible in my writing, Thailand is new to me so I’m seeing it for the first time, hopefully it’s interesting even to those who’ve been here or visited. Keep reading, hope you and the dog both get nice pressies! x
Clare Cohen says
Hi Ellen,
Just thought I’d drop you a note to congratulate you on, well all of this! I think what you’re doing is fantastic, the blog is beautifully written and the subject matter is infinitely more interesting than spreadsheets and competency frameworks! Mindfulness rocks! Look forward to hearing how the spiritual journey unfolds for you. Respect.
Love, Clare Cohen
YvonneMC says
Hi Ellen Remember me Yvonne front he Cambodia trip I loved reading your bloggy thing Look forward to reading the Cambodia bit I wonder will I have the same perspective on it as you ?
Where do we send these ten best photos to I suppose Nicole will know.
Hope you are happy Yvonne
ellenmbard says
Hi Yvonne, thanks for reading! I’ve just published the first post about Cambodia, starting with the darker stuff – see what you think. It felt important to talk about it a bit. I’m sure when you read it and the other post you will think you went on a different holiday from me – that’s always the way! For the photos if you reply to the email which Kirsten sent and attach your 10 photos that might be most straightforward. Hope the horses and children were all OK when you returned! Ellen
Chris says
What a truly descriptive account of a land that most of us will never see.
The photos were awesome.
Your new career has got to be WRITING.
Love G’Dad XXX
blade3colorado says
I am now following your blog. I love the “reflection” you provide in your posts. I think Socrates said, “life without examination is not worth living” and you obviously came to a crossroad, where you questioned the path you had choosen. Good for you.
So much to comment on . . . A favorite philosophy of mine touches on planning and expectations, i.e., “The happiest people are those with a Plan B,” which relates to most expectations being preconceived resentments waiting to happen. In short, not too much happens the way we plan or expect (usually the big guy in the sky laughs his ass off when I am planning shit). Consequently, it sounds like you intuitively knew that “winging it” on your travels was the best route to go.
Anywho, you’re a critical thinker and well spoken – so I will enjoy following you. Thank you for sharing a bit about yourself.
Steve
ellenmbard says
Thanks Steve, and for following. I have really enjoyed writing the blog; it’s provided me with a different way of looking at the world, and reminded me to engage externally as well as examine internally. It’s certainly true that whilst we can make plans, we have to be flexible about how they happen – or indeed if they happen. Taking things as they come and seeing what will happen has definitely served me well here so far, but of course, it’s not right for everything/time so we will see what the future holds 🙂
Hope you continue to enjoy the blog, keep commenting, I really appreciate it.
Ellen
gallivance.net says
Ellen, what a fantastic adventure you are living – and that’s the key! You’re living the life you chose, not just being a tourist. And it’s obviously working because here you are nearly 2 years later lovin’ life. James and I made a similar choice years ago and it’s the best decision we ever made. I applaud you and your intrepid spirit. All the best, Terri
Ellen Uma Bard says
Thanks Terri! Yes, it’s certainly working for the moment. Thanks for the inspiration and comment! 🙂