At the beginning of this trip, a key focus for me was ‘planning not to plan’. An obsessive list maker at work and play pre-SE Asia, I wanted to see what life was like without the constraints of my daily to-do list, short-, medium- and long-term goals, multi-coloured pens, trackers and so on.
And when I arrived, I got bronchitis, so any even fledgling plans I might have considered at the back of my brain got thrown out anyway. I spent the first couple of weeks mostly in bed, taking me up to a Christmas that I played very much by ear, and enjoyed all the more because of that.
Disaster strikes
But then I needed to do a visa run. Arriving with a 30-day Thai visa, I needed to get out of the country to renew it, and didn’t want to waste a trip, so I decided to use a visit to Cambodia as that visa run. And my dedicated planning not to plan started to cause me some challenges.
I forgot some things. Important things. Things that I am embarrassed to share.
For example, I got the dates of my Thai visa wrong, so I over ran by a couple of days. This sent me into paroxysms of panic, and meant the cost of an extra (earlier) flight to Bangkok, and a couple of spent days panicking about whether I would get thrown into a Thai jail at the border, or not be allowed back into the country in the future. Of course that didn’t happen (that would definitely have been a post!), but I did have to go into a special office at immigration, pay a fine and get a ‘bad Ellen’ stamp in my passport.
Then in Cambodia, I realised I didn’t have quite enough medication for the trip, I’d miscalculated by a couple of days. Not a nightmare – I could spread the ones I had out a little more so withdrawal didn’t kick in, but the impact was a higher baseline of pain, at a time when I was already doing more activity, which also impacts the pain. Not ideal.
Once back in Thailand, still not learning from my mistakes, I arranged to meet someone for coffee, and messed up which day I had organised so missed him, so my planning not to plan started spreading in impact to others.
What happens when you don’t have a plan?
There were a few other things I forgot too, or missed, or got wrong, that normally, with my planning and lists, I wouldn’t have. Which made me feel deeply uncomfortable – integrity is a deeply held value of mine.
Now, I learnt from all this that you (I) can get by without a plan. The sky didn’t fall in, no-one died, I didn’t go to prison.
But the consequences for me of not having a plan, a list, a set of actions, felt extremely uncomfortable – physically as well as mentally as it turned out. In addition to the missing medication, stress itself aggravates my pain as the muscles clench and tighten, and pull on the delicate and overly-sensitised structures in my shoulder and arm.
Going back to a plan
So I started back with a list.
I got a small, light note-book, and jotted down things I wanted to do, needed to do. And immediately I felt better.
But what was interesting was how quickly I then became attached to my new plan and lists.
A friend asked me if I wanted to do something, and I thought no, I have other plans today. I’ve already decided and numbered the items on my to-do list. But I checked myself when I realised that almost nothing I do out here is fixed. I can be infinitely flexible. I can make my plans from a place of what I want to do, rather than what I should do, or what I think I need to do. So, fine if I don’t want to go to lunch, but I need to remember that it’s not that I can’t go to lunch – it’s entirely my choice.
That’s freeing, but also a responsibility. How many people have that freedom? But what’s the point of being out here if I continue with the unconscious habits that tied me up in the UK? To plan or not to plan?
The middle way
So I realised, of course, there’s a middle way. I have allowed myself the notepad, the coloured pens (they make me happy :-)), and some goals and ideas. But goals that energise rather than drain, and goals I can be relaxed about meeting and achieving. Like, going to cooking school. Or writing a blog post. Or going for a long walk. Or taking more photos. Or chatting to strangers.
And I have a to-do list, each day. It enables me to be on top of visa requirements, pills, and coffee with friends. But if I don’t do everything on the list, I’m fine. And if something better comes along that day, I can dump the list, or push it to the next day, without penalty or consequences.
The pros of plans, the goodness of goals
I also realised that some of my energies come from the pursuit and meeting of goals. Goals in themselves aren’t a bad thing, it’s when they and the to-do list run your life that you need to worry.
So I’m happy where I’ve ended up on my ‘planning not to plan’ journey. I’m still flexible and open-minded about the future – much more so than ever before. I have a medium-term plan of working and travelling in Asia for 6-9 months, but around that, I’m versatile. But I write mini-goals on my to-do list each day, and I enjoy achieving them and ticking them off.
What’s your attitude to goals and plans? Do they help or hinder you? Do you use them in work and personal life or one or the other? Can you get by without them? How flexible are they? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
Chris says
Hi Ellen,
The mishaps that happened to you recently are to be expected in life. Trust me, I am an authority
on the subject. If I may use an analogy, it is similar to the flukes in a game of snooker. They even
out over the course of a game. As you put it so succinctly, no one died, or went to prison, or suffered unduly because of lack of medication.To give you some good news, your Mum has sold
her house in Guildford, and purchased a beautiful house in Derby.
Looking forward to seeing you soon.
Love G’Dad XXX
ellenmbard says
Thanks Grandad! Yes, I am hoping that things will even out – I am certainly having an amazing journey most of the time, and the lows are all part of the general tapestry. It’s good to challenge one’s own beliefs. with love, el x
Clare Wanless says
Love this post! I was so envious of you when I read about your planning not to plan and wondered what life would be like without plans…. I am confident that I too would need to follow a middle ground, but that is something I’m trying to start applying (and often forget that some things are flexible!). One of the biggest things I’m realising is that I need to have a list outside of work too – otherwise my priorities are only ever going to be on work and not on the rest of me! Your post has fully hit the nail on the head and one of my daily tasks is going to be adopting the middle way in both my work and personal life… Keep inspiring us! Keep enjoying yourself…! x
ellenmbard says
Thank you! It was a good experiment, and I was proud I challenged myself, but I also realised that as long as I don’t let them trap me, goals and lists bring a lot of fun and achievement into my life. And make things easier. And yes, I would say a list outside work is critical for balance. Take care! el x
samanthatomkinson says
Love this Ellen……I think loose goals and destinations are great and the rest will just unravel itself. Was it Einstein who said ‘life is what happens when you are busy making plans’? Keep enjoying……..
samanthatomkinson says
Oooo and I would say that diary dates are different from plans….like ‘renewing the visa’ would def be more of a diary date than a plan 🙂 good to see that even you can make such mistakes though…..I make them all the time but then you would know that from managing me 🙂
ellenmbard says
Interesting! I have found the diary a bit lacking since I left work – I lived by my outlook then, and now I haven’t quite found the right way, which I think is partly why the lists help. Yes, I certainly do make (a lot!) of mistakes – I wrote this post partly because of a comment a couple of years ago by a member of the team that I never seemed to make mistakes, which horrified me as I make them all the time! So here are some of my vulnerabilities on show for everyone! x
Cat says
Thought-provoking post, as ever! You know me and that I’m not a big forward planner (I don’t like my life to feel too regimented, even if it secretly is), but I do make lists with important dates on (bdays, appointments, deadlines etc), because if I don’t I worry that I will forget something Important, and worry about forgetting! 🙂 I like retrospective lists too, because then I can tick things off all in one go, instead of getting stage fright about a too-long undone list! But maybe that’s cheating!
Happy Easter, El! I’m guessing a Thai Easter will be a very different experience, and look forward to reading about it. xx
ellenmbard says
Haha, I like the idea of retrospective lists. I think making sure a list isn’t too long is important. when I make a list for the day, I actually number the order I am going to do things in, so I don’t pick off the easy stuff and never get to the hard ones! x
El D says
It’s all about balance, El! A El xxx
ellenmbard says
Yep, the middle way – which is Buddhism too! It all links up! x
See True Self says
I would love to travel. How exciting…THAILAND!
I like how you’re focusing on what makes you happy…trying your best to not be so calculating with your next step.
I’m excited to see pictures and hear of your experience!
Go with the flow! Enjoy this adventure!
ellenmbard says
Thanks! Yes, being more values-centered, and focusing on what’s important to me and then moving out from there is working well for me. But it’s a struggle between the planning and non-planning!
Lauren McLain says
I think a certain amount of planning can be a positive thing, and I think you’ve arrived at a good place concerning it in that you’ve realized that flexibility is important. So often, things go differently in life than we thought they would. I think keeping a calendar so that you get things like visa renewal and coffee dates correct is the kind of planning that’s necessary and definitely ok. I enjoy reading your posts!
ellenmbard says
I definitely agree that so often things go differently than we have planned. And being flexible around this is a real key to happiness!
Kristina says
I found your website as a result of searching for something that would say that planning for some people is unhealthy. Why did I want to read that? Because after planning the way I would approach my extensive university assignment, I failed, once again, although I was ahead of everyone else at one point. So I am in this position of confusion.
I feel like planning things distracts me from doing things. I also feel that planning and fun don’t go hand in hand, and that as soon as I start making a “happy to-do-list”, the list turns into a “chores to do”.
One of the best presentations at my institution that I’ve ever made was the one that I planned the least, or the one that took place spontaneously. Is planning unhealthy for some people? I don’t know, but what I do know is that I’m cool with no plans in the future. I’m cool with jumping head on into something that feels right at the moment, that feels important, or something that I know I would need to do at some point. I will do it until I get it done, and won’t do anything else grand in between. Wow, is that another plan I just made myself? F*** it. I’m leaving.
ellenmbard says
Glad you found me Kristina. I’m a natural planner, and found trying not to plan anything as you can tell more stressful than the benefits of being able to completely go with the flow. But as always in these situations a combination of both seemed to work best. I think it also depends what you mean by planning – without planning in some revision for example, not many of us would pass exams. But being too rigid and inflexible can also mean we miss opportunities. And of course, the classic is spending all our time making a beautiful plan and then having no time to do whatever we were planning in the first place! I hope you found your way with planning, and remember, we are all works in progress and never stop learning and developing!