I wasn’t sure what to write for today’s post. In fact, unusually for me, I’m writing this on the day it’s going to go out. When I started thinking about why that might be, it gave me a topic to riff on.
Ambiguity.
Change.
Uncertainty.
It’s been a strange time in Thailand recently. Despite my lifestyle, not knowing what’s going on, or what’s going to happen, isn’t my favourite state of being.
But because of changes here, and a variety of work projects, as well as many personal projects which are at critical points, I have a lot going on – none of which I’m certain will actually happen.
Let me explain…
Visa changes – remembering travel is a privilege
As you may know, Thailand is in the middle of a military coup. It’s on wiki if you want a run down, I’m not going to talk about it here (you’ll see why if you read the wiki, especially the ‘Anti-coup symbols’ section), or accept comments on it, but I’m happy to talk about it privately.
We have limited information as ex-pats on what’s going on, and at the moment, most daily life, certainly on the Thai island I live on, seems unaffected. There are fewer tourists right now, and if you’re not sure whether or not to visit as a tourist, I would encourage you to come, as at the moment, all is fine safety-wise, but the small restaurants and other places geared to tourists are really suffering because of this drop in visitors. It’s tough to see these smaller places, with their warm Thai hosts, who aren’t necessarily so connected to politics (they see it as ‘happening in Bangkok’), not able to understand where the tourists are gone, and potentially losing their livelihoods because of the situation.
One of the consequences that does affect me, and all the longer-term travellers here is the tightening of border controls. I’m going to admit, I wrote several paragraphs on this, and I’ve deleted them, as even I was bored reading them. The nub is, there’s a lot of confusion, and issues around long-term travellers who come in and out of Thailand frequently (if you’re looking for more information, the best source is Thai Visa).
The consequence is that each time I leave Thailand, I’m not sure I’ll get back in. I went out to Singapore for some work last week, and coming back to the country was quite stressful – even the airline I travelled on weren’t convinced I’d get back in, asking me lots of questions and making me sign a form which said I was liable for my own costs coming back in if I was rejected by immigration. I did make it back, but I had to pack up my entire house and take everything I own with me just in case I didn’t.
I have more work trips planned, and so there’s more uncertainty in the future.
Even if I do get back in next time, what happens then? Living with this level of uncertainty isn’t something I want to do long term, and a number of friends have already left or are making plans to leave the region.
So I’m also looking at new places to live, like Malaysia, Bali, and South America (where quite a few friends have headed). These kinds of decisions feel huge, even though I know if I don’t like it I can just leave and move somewhere else, but it means there’s a lot going on in my already rather full head at the moment.
I keep remembering that travel is a privilege, in so many ways. That I’m a guest in other countries, and that Britain almost certainly wouldn’t be as relaxed about letting members of other countries in in the same way I spend time here. This helps me put the whole thing in perspective.
Juggling the balls
A friend and I were talking about it recently, and I said I thought it was like juggling, but that all you needed to do was give each ball a nudge each time, rather than trying to keep them all high in the air. That’s how I feel.
I’ve worked on seven different consulting projects, and visited China, Singapore and Malaysia as well as Thailand in the last few weeks, so consulting work is also keeping me busy.
At the same time, I’m working on a revamped website (which you are all going to love – promise!), which much love, sweat and tears is going into. This is hugely exciting, so look out for more news on this late August.
Feelings and Emotions
One of my key development areas (or, ‘weaknesses’ in normal people language 😉 ) in my early work life was around dealing with ambiguity and change. I always want to pin everything down, structure it, clarify and make decisions.
That’s what makes me a good project manager, but it can mean that situations like the one in which I’m living take a bit of a personal toll.
I’ve certainly developed this – I don’t think I would be able to live the life I do now if I didn’t have a much stronger tolerance for it all. Do I love it? No, not really. I do like the possibilities that change brings, like: Will I spend time in Bali? Will I go to Malaysia, and work more in Singapore, which is just over the border? Who will I meet in these new places? What will I learn?
But I’d rather have a definite plan – especially to know there was a house for me, that seems to be one of the things I like least, staying in hostels and not having a ‘safe place’ to burrow into. As I’ve said before, travel definitely helps you learn about your own needs, desires, wants and values, which is very helpful for guiding future plans.
In other news
I had a lovely visit with two good friends who were taking a week’s holiday on the neighbouring island of Samui. I came over for the day and hung out with them at their beautiful villa and pool, and we sat on the beach and caught up. It wasn’t the same as coffee in Surbiton, but it did the trick 😉
Ending on a positive
Things making me happy at the moment? It’s all in the detail.
- Sweet and nut-filled carrot cake with cappuccino, reading my book in the cafe where I feel most at home
- Being on my balcony in storms and wild winds, protected but exposed
- Progressing with the yoga despite fear and despite obstacles
- Emails from friends and family, with news and love
- Sunday veggie roast with friends – the first yorkshire pudding I’ve had in a long time!
How do you feel about change, ambiguity and uncertainty?
Do you enjoy the feeling of endless possibilities, or want to pin down decisions and structure plans?
Let me know in the comments below!
El D says
Remember your initial reason for your present life, El. And enjoy the Yorkshire pudds! x
Ellen Uma Bard says
Yep, it’s all good, and if I end up somewhere else, then that’ll be a new place to explore…. and the yorkshires were ace! x
Chris says
The horns of a dilemma spring to mind. Please do NOT jump from the frying pan into the fire.
Your suggestions of Malasia, Bali or South America need very careful consideration. 2 medical students from G.B. were murdered in Malasia yesterday. Bali is not the place it used to be.
Which country in South America had you in mind?. I know you are not the type of person to make rash decisions, but think of your family before doing anything drastic. Love G’Dad XXX
Ellen Uma Bard says
Thanks Grandad! Don’t worry, I tread well-trodden paths. And I would say I’m probably one of the most sensible people you know! 🙂 I’ll keep you posted xx
Yvonne Kimman says
Ellen, if you haven’t yet, why don’t you jump on the FB page called Ubud Community. Anyone gets accepted. Just be a fly on the wall & follow the banter of the mostly ex-pat community there in Bali. Its a pretty spirited international bunch, mostly Australians who live there, many for 10 or more years. Some are newcomers, others future or current visitors asking for advise or resources. But mostly, if you read up on the past weeks, you might like what you see, and want to introduce yourself. They love a well written post, and if you look for a young guy named Danny Hefer (who also teaches self-defense workshops in addition to his internet derived income), you’ll see why they like people like him. He’s articulate & witty. There are more specific FB groups in Bali like the classifieds, etc., but this one is entertaining, at times caustically so, and helpful with practical stuff as well as gossip. Good luck wherever the wind takes you next. https://www.facebook.com/groups/149393691784641/?fref=nf
Ellen Uma Bard says
Thanks Yvonne, this is really helpful. I have joined the group and will get a good feel for the place. It certainly seems to be one of the places on the ‘loop’ the yoga peeps I know here visit…
Samia Khan says
It was such a delight visiting with you! Thank you for making the trip to Samui. How cool was it to hang out with you under palm trees. Sadly, RIP iPad. If you do move to Malaysia or Bali, we will definitely plan another palm trees visit. X
Ellen Uma Bard says
Thanks Samia! Was lovely to be hosted and have a little ‘holiday’ of my own 🙂 x